Minimalist Shoes - for the more monied than brained.
Mininmalist shoes have become all the rage these days because of various fads and trends. Paleo diet and crossfit bandwagons are being jumped on like idealistic Japanese teens into Mitsubishi Zeros. Much like the kamikaze pilots, the paleo-crossfit retards are speeding toward oblivion heedless of what life they could have had if they'd just been their own person and thought for themselves instead of whitewashing their souls the corrosive toxicity of collectivism.
But lo, this isn't a rail against collectivism exclusively, it's a rail against the functionally retarded and the soulless. You see there is a a facet, unseen by those without eyes to see, to minimalist shoes that has slipped by the horde: they are not for running on concrete, asphalt or cement.
Ha ha dummies, you read that right. You bought a pair so you could indulge some fallacious idea that crossfit is at all well thought out and that running is a safe mode of exercise for the general population to engage in - and you were wrong. Wrong is too nice, you are less than wrong because you would had to have understood the question to have even answered it with any sense of cogency and not the sputtering diarrhea sounds you have so elegantly chosen.
As I have reported in other posts on this blog, human feet are not designed to be tied up all the time. This is called foot binding and was used in in ancient cultures to make sure your wife didn't run off with someone else. READ: didn't run. Worse, our feet are definitely not designed to be used on non-shock absorbing surfaces such as roads or sidewalks (Edit: at least not using the classic foot strike pattern). Hence we have developed squishy padded running shoes.
Too bad they suck. Although maybe better for you during hard surface running, they inevitably cause messed up foot strike patterns and correspondingly dysfunctional kinetic chains. You see man was not meant to A) wear shoes at all or, B) run on what are basically rock surfaces for any length of time, let alone consistently for long duration's over years.
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| Here's what you look like when you're dead. (by Vesalius, my favorite anatomical artist) |
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| Here's what you look like when you run a lot. |
I was at a local fitness store wherein was found a lone young man manning the whole works. Upon the usuall course of questioning and offhand, politically incorrect remarks on my part, it was revealed that this person was, surprise, into crossfit. After having recovered from witnessing my 300lb. gripper close, we discussed the merits of the Rumble Roller. He explained that after running in his Vibram Five Fingers, he was unable to roll his IT band due to extreme pain.
What a shock (pun intended).
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| Mine is the 'black' which is the equivalent of rolling on spiked hard plastic |
YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO RUN REGULARLY< LET ALONE IN FIVE FINGERS< LET ALONE ON CONCRETE< LET ALONE WITH THE USUAL HEEL-TOE FOOT STRIKE - YOU FUCKING MORONS.
Why is it that I, a vehement non-runner, know all this? The very unfortunate answer is that it would appear that I am WAY FUCKING SMARTER THAN VIRTUALLY ALL OF THE POPULATION OF EARTH.
Example: I saw two fat women running today. WTF makes you think you are healthy enough to run, ever? Stupid fucks - oh well, they deserve what they'll get: they'll incur enough damage to make themselves stop, not return to it and then go on to continue their lives of mood swings, binge eating and blaming the world for their inadequacies. Thank god for kharma (kind of an odd statement , no?).
There, like with almost every topic, exists much more to say on this issue. For example I haven't even covered the electrical effects of running and the effects of electrical grounding but you dummies likely don't deserve it. Maybe I'll cover it in a separate piece, purely for my own edification.
Suck on it fuckers.
