Squats: Training "Light"

Squats are awesome: as in they worthy of and should induce the a state of awe. Why? The ability to squat down and then stand totally upright is unique to humans and could be classified as one of our primary beneficial adaptations. It is this fact that allows us to do some of our other primary adaptations, such as our ability to throw accurately and with high force. Ask a shot putter or javelin thrower if their legs are important to throwing.

There are many other advantages to squatting, one is that they work the most (potentially) metabolically active and largest group of muscles through the greatest range of motion of any movement. The potential benefits of this should be obvious - they have the potential to stimulate a massive disruption in homeostasis and corresponding biological adaptation. They are also, for many, highly uncomfortable which is a nice psychological stressor and can cause beneficial reflexive psychological adaptation responses. As in they make you tough.

Plus squatting with with a shit ton of plates on the bar looks really hardcore.

Paul Anderson squatted these 840 lbs of tractor parts for ten reps.

We run into some issues though: everyone wants to squat with the heaviest weights possible but n o one wants to squat in the best way possible. "What the hell? I thought heavy was best!" - and it certainly can be but we must ask ourselves: is this true for us? Let me show you an example:

Do you see that large teardrop-shaped muscular prominence on the inside of the thigh right above the knee? That is called the vastus medialis (heretoforth known as VMO) and it is responsible (in part) for stabilizing the knee joint. The relevance behind this is that many people squat in such a way to move the most weight, not to build knee stability. This, although not always, can result in progress coming to a grinding halt (pun intended) because of muscle imbalances and worse it can alter the tracking of the kneecap through the bony, well lubricated groove it is designed to slide through. This means your knees get all f'd up and doom you to squatting mediocrity.

Please don't think that just because your knees aren't hurting or swollen that this doesn't apply to you because it definitely does: if you're squatting less than double bodyweight deep enough so that your calves and hamstrings meet and/or you don't have a visible and prominent VMO, you have issues. The popularity of powerlifting style training has led to people being more concerned with numbers than their own bodies - this is self defeating because your body is what lifts the barbell. If you're body is busted then how are you gonna lift big? Durr people.

Powerlifting training is awesome and fun BUT one should also employ bodybuilding type "special" exercises for higher reps (the VMO has a fairly mixed fiber type and responds best to higher reps, as in 10-20) to build the functional quality of the joint structures. An example: lifter A squats wide and to a box (limited depth), in order to balance the stresses imposed said squatting stance he elects (smartly) to use a narrow stance, heels elevated, parallel feet, ass to grass squat for twelve to fifteen reps with what, for him, will likely be an embarrassingly light weight. The purpose being to strengthen the vastus medialis and maintain some semblance of muscle balance. It also makes his quads look buff.

Remember: balance this with....

..this. Notice the weight difference, this is important, you will feel like a bitch squatting so "light".

There could be a multi-volume tome written on leg training. For now take home the point that looking hardcore is awesome BUT in order to continue looking hardcore (and to look more hardcore in the future) you will have to do some "light", higher rep squatting - especially if having huge quads appeals to you.

Ten Minutes to Manliness

Let's talk training. Look at this:

This is French bodybuilder Serge Nubret, a contemporary of Arnold.

Despite having an incredibly skinny neck: he's buff (understatement?). It may interest you to know that Serge never really trained heavy (could explain his neck) - he did rather large amounts of volume with 'medium' weights. His normal workouts included most of his exercises for six sets of twelve. He took very short breaks (a minute tops) and tried to focus on moving as much blood through his muscles as possible... it seemed to work.

I'm not saying that you should switch to six sets of twelve. It is interesting to note though that such an approach will work, provided the correct rest breaks are observed. It is also interesting to note that Bill Pearl, later in his career, trained in an almost identical fashion.

Bill was even a vegetarian.

Where am I going with this? Am I really advocating high rep 'chase the pump' type training? Not exactly - the key thing here is frequency. Serge would do abs everyday, and it shows, but he'd do like two thousand reps everyday! I'm sure that hurt like crazy, I'm sure his six sets of twelve hurt like mad at times too. Both Serge and Bill would train six to seven days a week, or virtually everyday.

It may behoove us to take a note or two from these guys: train everyday - but not always heavy - and try to rack up some volume.

Let's put this into something you can take home. Most men would like bigger arms and shoulders and to look a little more built, maybe a lot more built but most don't want to really have to put in the time and devotion to getting that way - it's okay - I have a plan.

Ten Minutes a Day to More Manliness - No Equipment Required

Push Ups - start with girl push ups (bend at the knees) and keep your arms near your sides, make a fist and do your push ups on your knuckles. I want you to do sets of ten reps. On the first day do a very comfortable amount of sets, do more the next day and so on. I want you to build up to a day in which you go balls out and make a new best number of sets, then back off to 50% of that number and build back up again. This is called 'Undulating Periodization' and it works incredibly well with high frequency, high volume routines. I recommend doing this before bed because, on your 'max' day, you shouldn't be able to use your arms to even open a beer afterwards.

Once, you can do ten to fourteen sets of girl pushups you may switch to the real deal and build back up again, expect it to take longer this time. Then once you've done that switch to dips - all you'll need is two chairs.

Add caption

Or a counter top:

I've even used the corner of a chain link fence.

One very important point: keep your breaks incredibly short - less than a minute. Sidenote: You could trow in the same scheme for your favorite ab exercise or pull ups, or, for the masochists: Hindu squats. Remember that you don't have to do more and more is not necessarily better, master at least the girl push ups before you add anything or mess with the program. Make sure to to eat a huge protein filled breakfast the next day: I like back bacon omelettes (use at least five eggs). Go hard, have fun and reap the rewards. 

SNAFU

Cell Phones - Guess what dummies? I don't have one!

You read that right - I don't have a cell phone and haven't since about 2002 (even then I rarely had it turned on). Far from being some type of technology eschewing Luddite, I prefer to use Arthur C. Clarke's third law to explain myself: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic". Most of you will not understand what is being said here and that is very much intentional. Back to cellular technologies.

Those of you who are addicted are, well, pathetic. Of all the universe has to offer you, the utter shit of facebook and texting is what you have chosen to fill your life with. Ironically if you sucked cocks for crack I would have more respect for your life choices. Why? Because you would be actually out there doing something (pun), actually experiencing a diverse range of what the universe has spent literally billions (or more) of years constructing for you to enjoy.

Texting... you fucks... luckily it's killing you. Oh yes bitches, you're irradiating your cells with those ridiculously abbreviated conversations. Some supposedly intelligent and educated people will tell you it's impossible, that cell phones don't have enough power to harm your cells. In fact I was reading an article by a physicist who tried to make it seem like anyone who thought cell phones were dangerous was a woefully uneducated quack. He should look in the mirror because he's not a biologist and yet he seems to know exactly how biology reacts to pulsed microwaves (most of you are tricked by this simple deception because A) it's convenient and, B) you're incredibly stupid). Here is an article explaining a little on who has done some of the research that has shown it (cell phone radiation) to be dangerous and what the industry does to keep much of these findings swept nicely under the rug. Including hiring physicists to speak on a a topic that doesn't really have anything to do with physics.

But hey man, what do you care? I mean who would want to give up lolpics? I mean it's only your health and the health of your children and their children and everyone else around you right?

Way more important than your brain/body/reproduction/dignity.

Thankfully nature has thought this out and has a plan: all the stupid idiots out there (you) will pay for your ignorance with cancer. Many people think that cancer is a disease - it's not - it's merely nature's garbage collectors coming for you: human garbage. Natural selection at work.

The funniest part is that there ARE warning labels that you've ignored!! That's how dumb you are! Ever see this screen on your iPhone?

Of course not - because you're a fool. You probably don't even know what it means do you? Hence: you're dead bitch.

HAHAHAHAHA - you retards are so fucking dumb - you're like that cat that jumps into the fish tank on Americas Funniest Home Videos - HAHAHAHAHA!! Goddamn this reminds of a great quote from our friend Einstein: "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." Guess what? He was talking about you! HAHAHAHA!!

Oh, okay....breathe....deep breath... serenity now.....

Anyhow: suck on that. My constant insulting of you is ultimately for your own good. It may, someday, cause you to realize that in fact you are the fool I've been claiming and begin the journey of the Tarot. Maybe you'll become a stronger, smarter and more dynamic being who's grasp of reality is sure and stalwart. Maybe you'll die of cancer because you're so stupid. The choice is up to you.

I could go into how you can change, with like one minute of your time, the quality of the radiation coming out of your device so that it heals your DNA instead of unwinding and destroying it (you didn't read that article did you?), but I don't feel like it. Your health and ability to rationally continue your relationship with your phone hangs precariously by the thread of my whim.

And my whim is such that I do not care for your weakness and I would much rather see you do something for yourself rather than spoon feed you. Have fun....

Die or evolve.

Why You Aren't Lean - (Epi)Genetics

Epigenetics - or how some of us (me) are so fucking smart they should be given a medal.

This article explains that our genes expression can be the result of exogenous factors such as food, chemicals and as well as emotions and thoughts. The reason this is at all interesting is because it means that our "genetics" aren't fixed so the excuses you've been using to mask your deficiencies are now totally transparent (they were already to some of us).

I have wrote about the absolute stupidity of thinking in terms of fixed gene expression in previous posts. I have gotten myself into huge and heated arguments with medical students over this topic. I have harped and railed and it fell upon ears deafened by the blight of closed minded academic arrogance.

And now, due the publishing of this very mainstream article, I have been not only vindicated but shown that I am in fact much smarter, more perceptive and flexibly intelligent than the virtually all of the population of planet Earth. Suck on it fuckers and revel in my glory. (pig in shit ; )

But more to the point: your genetic expression is not fixed. The things you believe are true about yourself are likely being created by your belief. In the hilarious and informative "Bigger, Faster, Stronger - The Side Effects of Being an American" a diminutive weasel explains that the reason he is involved in genetic research is to prove that what we call 'athletic talent' is just an inherited gene. Said weasel is attempting to make 'gene doping' a reality and explains that he would be first in line to receive it if it were brought to fruition.

I smell not only weasel but also some childhood sports performance related trauma - and bullshit. This "man" is blaming his shittiness at sports on his genes and then attempting to rewrite them in such a way as to assuage his inherited weaknesses.

If this obviously functionally retarded excuse for a human being took a more 'never say die' type of attitude he could use simple things like food, exercise and visualization to change how his genetics express themselves. Yes you read that right I said that visualization can change your active genes - it can and in a few years I'll be writing an article very similar to this one gloating over this "new" "scientific" discovery. (You see people with gifted levels of intelligence don't waste time frittering our energy away on worrying about the peer review process or even credentials - those things are theatrics and they are solidly for the ignorant mass.) Your beliefs create conditions in your body - chemical, electrical etc. that your cells respond to.

The sooner we can all get over this fact and the fact that your belief in the supposition that you aren't an ignorant retard, the sooner we'll be able to move on to a world in which "superhuman" powers will be normal human powers. I'll throw a little chum out for you - do you know what effect cold has on your gene expression? You should find out because the reality is nothing short of amazing.

We now have ventured into the realm of what I have termed 'demand'. You have tons of genes, many are inactive or latent, you have the ability to activate them by imposing a demand on their function. Much like lifting weights within certain parameters can activate genes that synthesize muscle protein, imposing other types of demand on your various systems will cause the activation or deactivation of certain genes.

If your parents lived through a famine (real or self induced, as in dieting) your ability to partition nutrients into lean mass vs. fat will be impaired as your genetics have adapted to what they have been encoded to respond to as a famine type of scenario i.e. store fat for later. Now your genes aren't different from your parents, it's just that some have been switched on and others off. This doesn't mean however that you are at the mercy of your parents ignorance.

If I'm not mistaken these are some of Winston Churchill's victims.

The demand for switching is something you control by exposing yourself to stressors. If you eat trans fats, you have controlled the activation of a gene that produces an inflammatory protein, hence now you have low grade inflammation. You were in control of whether you used the switching stressor (the trans fat) or not, you didn't have to eat it. I'm not going to spell this whole scenario out - if you get it - good, if not - you don't deserve to use it.