Friday, 8 June 2012

Comrade, no weights? The party says: do this...

I'm going to show you how to program a workout plan using the Soviet conjugate method. This method is why the Soviets absolutely dominated the 1984 friendship games they held (to make up for boycotting the Olympics). To make this method available to the unwashed and ignorant masses (who am I kidding, the fact that you read has separated you from them, good work) I'll be showing how to program this method with body weight exercises. Who else would put together such an awesomely useful concept?

Anatoly Pisarenko squatting for the glory of the CCCP, da comrade!


Conjugate periodization is simply a method by which all relevant sport skills are trained simultaneously, as opposed to in blocks. Block training is where a sportsman would train only one type of development factor. Example: high total number of lifts for skill familiarization and muscular hypertrophy would be one training goal and the focus of one block, usually about two to four weeks, with the next block focusing on another skill like rate of force development (speed). So the conjugate method trains all of the relevant sport skills at the same time, these skills include but are not limited to: general physical preparedness (work volume), speed (force generated over a short amount of time), maximal strength (force generated over an undefined period of time), sport specific skill practice and restorative activities.

Since our example routine will not be geared towards any specific skill, let's imagine that being hardcore is a sport and train for that.

We will use four training days a week, this allows for an optimal amount of both work and recovery. We will have two lower body focused days and two upper body focused days. This is identical to the Westside conjugate method template but I don't expect most of you to know what that is, so suffice it to say that the Westside system is based on the Soviet system. One of our main tenets will be contrast, one leg day is heavy with other being fast, one assistance exercise is stable and the other unstable, etc. This results in a an incredibly varied training stimulus so you'll get better at stuff you aren't really training for.

Okay, the routine:

MON - Max Effort Lower Body - warm up (if you're into that) and then do as many Pistols on your weaker leg as you can, then do the same number on your stronger leg.<- Get tight as fuck for this, clench your abs, butt, fists and anything else you can and make 'em look good! Then do three sets of jumping squats, don't jump for height, jump for reps, as many reps as you can without really killing yourself. Get a pump and move on to Split Squats, use a five second negative and do three sets. Abs are next, I don't care what you do here, I recommend V-ups or jackknife planks but work your abs good for three sets and hit the showers.

TUE - Max Effort Upper Body - warm up, then go for max reps on the one arm pushup with your weaker arm, then do the same number of reps on your strong arm.<- Again, get tight as fuck for this, clench your abs, butt, fists and anything else you can and make 'em look good! Then do three sets of pull ups or chin ups, don't kill yourself but put work in. Then do three sets of diamond or triangle pushups. Last, do some more chins (use a narrow grip).

Franco knows whats up


WED - Off

THU - Dynamic (Speed) Lower Body - warm up and then do some sprints, short ones, like forty-sixty yards or something. Do four to six sets.<- In sprinting, the faster you move your arms back and forth the faster you will run, keep your chin down and lean forward, it's basically a controlled fall. Next is lunge switches, three sets, jump high. Next is lateral lunges, two sets, slow and good form. Then do some abs for three sets, whatever you do make it contrast to your last ab exercise.

FRI - Dynamic Upper Body - warm up and then hit up some clapping push ups, twelve sets of two, make 'em powerful and 'jump" high. Then do some hindu or pike push ups for three sets. Next is SEAL chin ups: put one hand on each side of the bar and chin to either side. I can't find a picture of this. If you do a normal chin facing the bar then you would do these "straddling' the bar, as in you would be standing under the bar with it running in the same direction you are looking. This will necessitate that one hand is in front of the other when your grip the bar, switch them from set to set. Do three sets.

This is an incredibly simplistic form of the conjugate method and is by no means exhaustive of the subject. If you want to know more: read more.

A word on intensity and periodization: for the love of yourself (most christians think that to love oneself is a sin, maybe that's why they've killed so many people over the years) don't jump in and go balls out on this routine. You will be so sore as fuck as to never even think of doing it again. Build up in a three week wave to a balls out week and then start over again. So first week: easy, don't push, test the water. Second week: get more comfortable and get a good sense of what you can do. Third week: get psycho. Then repeat the wave over. This will be hard for you type 'A' types but this method will result in the most gains, both in body composition (+ muscle, - fat) and skill improvement (strength, speed, coordination).

That's some good skill


Remember: Alter the leverages to make the exercises easier or harder depending on your skill level, use inclines, declines, walls, trees whatever. You can't do pistols? Do box pistols. Can't do one arm pushups? Do them against a wall or something, use creativity (no, it still still exists).

Get out there and don't fuck around.