I was doing some research today and came across an ad for the TRX Suspension Trainer. Now this isn't a new piece of equipment to me, I have seen one at a Gold's Gym I was at with a client and also a I had seen one at one of my clients houses. I thought, "hey finally the unwashed masses can get a reasonable pair of gymnastic rings at a decent price", I, having had an issue with this in the past, had constructed my own from fiberglass and Styrofoam SM. Then I saw this ad today: "only" $199.95 (!!!). Only?
I'm going to start with the price first and then move on to the actual thing. I can buy an Olympic bar (a shitty Chinese one mind you) and plates for $200. I can, with aforementioned barbell, train using the exercises that the best football players, the fastest sprinters, the biggest bodybuilders, the highest jumpers and the farthest throwers use. The barbell is the most versatile piece of exercise equipment ever designed. For any goal. "But the TRX allows you to use your own body weight!", oh my, awesome, I get to use a weight that isn't adjustable!(?) What a good deal! "you can manipulate the intensity of the exercises by using less range of motion", sweet, I only get to use the most useful form of the exercise after I've majored in the least useful forms of it!(??). That makes total sense and ,hey, at that price how could I afford not to buy it?
What the TRX is and isn't.
As you can see the TRX's patented Navy SEAL designed hyper-alloy chassis is.... two straps and some buckles. Wow, those Navy SEALS are smart, five dollars worth of webbing, five dollars worth of buckles, (I'll be generous) five dollars worth of other shit, comes out to a grand total of....drum roll please....fifteen bucks! I hope some Navy SEALS somewhere are getting fucking shit rich off this scam because as we all know the government won't take any responsibility for them. What is the TRX? Two straps and some buckles. What isn't it? A good buy, a smart training concept, hardcore, effective, better or even on par with a pair of rings I can BUY for $80, something I can't make myself for fifteen bucks that's better. North America you are the dumbest continent on the planet because these assholes make money off you. You know what else is an incredibly stupid scam that was made up by Navy SEALS? The Perfect Push Up handles and the Perfect Pull Up handles, which is an equally vociferous and inflammatory rant. From what I see of the Navy SEALS designs it makes sense why they are sent into war to get killed rather than designing exercise equipment.
In short the TRX is perfect for people who are so insanely stupid and weak as to shit their panties at the mere thought of actually doing anything productive. It is the perfect piece of equipment for people who want to live in a make believe world of insubstantial busywork and fraudulent idolatry, so it's good for: bankers, tax collectors, politicians, trophy wives, the spoiled, retards, anyone involved in organized religion, TV watchers, Kevin Smith fans and anyone else who is basically a total, tragic waste of our (humans) air and water. If you own one of these, it would be advisable for you to go directly to your bedroom and hang yourself (you can use your TRX!)
