A Brain Damaged, Drunk, High on PCP Monkey Could Design Better Workouts than Crossfit
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| PTTP and KB snatches...and maybe some jump rope. |
I'll be the first to admit: I like the idea of Crossfit. Olympic lifts, squats, pullups, etc. But the programming is abysmal, from a sport training standpoint it's downright retarded. Lets look at one of their "WODs" (workout of the day):
1 round for time:
10 Cleans - 225#/145#
15 Cleans - 185#120#
20 Cleans - 135#/95#
This is from Crossfit Calgary's website and from the looks of it they're as dumb as they come.
Why is this lame? Let's see: the weight is posted, not a percentage of the lifters 1RM. So what if a lifter is unable to use the posted weights? How much should they use? Because most people are unable to cybernetically periodize: they'll use really shitty form and hurt themselves (see story below). As well, cleans are a technical lift so doing them A) for time and B) for reps over five is RE-TARD-ED.
Why would they do this when all of the practical experience of decades of athletes of all types would say that this type of workout is really stupid? Let's hear it from the horses mouth:
"Trainers and civilians needs are more akin to the firefighter, cop and soldier than they are to the elite athlete. The reason being, you don't know what gameday will look like, you don't know when it will occur and you don't know what the stressor will be, you just don't know." - Greg Glassman
So train yourself into the ground with shitty technique so that when "gameday" comes you can try really hard at sucking? Not to mention for most people "gameday" looks like this: push handcart with newly purchased Ikea table out to vehicle, load box into back, push hand cart back to start. Wow, yeah man, you gotta train to be able to accommodate the demands of that stressor.
Let's look at this rather simply: strength is the SKILL of being able to stabilize ones skeleton under load and then generate sufficient force to overcome the demand. So really, from a strength standpoint, there is only one stress chain: stability (awareness)> tension with the two facets alternating many times a second through feedback loops.
So what the hell is this guy talking about?
One thing could be metabolism, the metabolic demand of the hypothetical "gameday" is an unforeseeable variable. But there are only a few different forms of metabolism and most can be covered by simply doing Tabata sprints on an upright bike or the same sprints with kettlebell snatches. Not complicated.
I think he's talking about something very simple: money. Pack the dummies in, shout slogans at them, make 'em sore and charge up the ass and because the majority of the population fall squarely into the 100 IQ range they will be totally and willfully oblivious to what you're doing. It's basically the same thing Arthur Jones did with his Nautilus machines in the 70s. Same shit, different crowd of idiots (on a side note: the nautilus pullover machine was/is super dope).
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| Nice hooters : D, ahem, funbags, I mean: I'd bet he'd lend both hands! x D |
The hilarious thing is that many male Crossfitters, although by the looks of some of the chicks I'd guess them too, take steroids to cope with the ridiculous demands of their poorly programmed workouts. So you need to take steroids and train like a dumbass to prepare yourself to carry your groceries out to your car? Or help your friend move his hot tub? What is wrong with everyone?
I've got way better idea: do something better! Save your money, buy a barbell and a kettlebell or two and do Pavel's 'Power to the People' and some kettlebell snatches. You'll kick way more ass and not incur all the bullshit that comes along with being trained to do Olympic events by people who learned them in a weekend certification course!
This reminds me: I was at Costco in Calgary about a month ago and I saw a man wearing a Crossfit shirt, training shorts and some lame ass Reebok trainers limping up and down the aisles. Yeah, he's ready for gameday.
I could go on and on about the specifics of how stupid this whole business is (structural balance!), but like with the TRX, I think the dummies who buy this shit get what they deserve: gimmicky crap and a lighter wallet. Fudge 'em!
