Monday 29 October 2012

Why I hate fitness, part: whatever, who cares....

Jesus fuck:

I read an article about how Frank Zane (one of the best bodybuilders ever) was a minion of Satan and was pushing mind control devices on children. Literally, you can't make this stuff up. This was apparently promulgated by the fact that Mr. Zane sells a portable electronic device that you attatch to your headphones during your workout. Said device uses binaural beats to switch your brain wave state so that you become calm and focused on what you are doing.

Satan works in mysterious ways it would seem: Mr. Zane has a degree in psychology and binaural beats are an old psychological technology used in various types of self help and mental performance products. They are scientifically valid. Is this writer saying that science is the tool of our Dark Lord: Satan? If so then perhaps he shouldn't be writing his article on a computer much less on the internet. He goes on, his website features articles on how bodybuilding magazines are trying to mind control you: (image from site)


Wow if subliminals are the only thing wrong with this magazine, Satan has already won ; )

Subliminals are a method of mind control and a fairly good one but how does printing this fact on your magazine cover equate to them being used on you? Tangent: subliminals are being used on you all the time, they work and you are victim to their programming and despite what you may have been subliminally programmed to think: they are not illegal or controlled in any way; people are "busted" for using them all the time and no charges can be pressed.

Back to Satan: so learning to take control of your own mind is evil? Wow Christians are retarded, seriously what a bunch of lunatics. Imagine if someone tried to tell you that learning to drive was evil, I would imagine that person to be a professional driver if you catch my drift.

Why do Christians even care? Bodybuilding should already be considered a tool of the devil. Can anyone say, spell or even recognize: vanity, pride and avarice? Hello, bodybuilding is obviously sinful, if you're into that kind of thing, already! The reason Christians are even into it is because of the idea of the pure, clean and discaplined bodybuilding lifestyle...... Which is total bullshit! These dummies shoot a plethora of drugs, bang sluts, prostitute themselves for drug money and a litany of other insane and amoral crap. Arnold and Franco pushed people's chimney's over and then sold them new ones as well as having attended orgies and taking steroids and who knows what else. Clean? No, you'd be as deluded as a...well...a Christian.

Powerlifters

Here's a bunch assholes I'm sick of.

These guys diss every other sport on the planet like powerlifting is god's gift to machismo. Bodybuilding may be disgusting, shallow, hateful and juvenile but so is powerlifting.

Now I should disclaim myself at this point: like in any group there are some powerlifters who don't fall into the trap of being a powerlifter, if you'll take my meaning.

The powerlifters I'm sick of are the 'eat ten pizzas and look like fat, squinty eyed baby' guys. Yeah that's eating like a man, oh wait, no it's not: chocolate milk and pizza is what children eat at a birthday party. Or fat, depressed, menopausal women. "Don't say that to our faces" I hear being quipped. Or what? You'll chase me? Hahaha! I'd like to see that.

It goes beyond being a hideous, unhealthy, attention mongering narcissist (like bodybuilders!). Let's talk suits: the sport of powerlifting (in many associations) allows the use of special "power suits" and "bench shirts". These are made from a very strong elastic type material that stretches and absorbs energy from the barbell and stores it elastically to help the lifter out of the bottom of the lift. Powerlifting guru Louie Simmons sees powerlifting 'gear' as an evolution of the sport, such as in football where all of the pansies wear tons of special protective equipment whereas the badasses of the bygone era wore relatively little. My take is a little different: it's more like football players wearing PowerRisers. Not an evolution, a totally different game.

I read an article today by some powerlifter who sported a 950 squat (a lift that benefits hugely from powersuits) and 800 bench press (another lift that benefits hugely from 'gear') and a 760 deadlift (a lift that suits do practically nothing for).

When you bench more than you deadlift you should probably stop and and think about what you're doing. That is pathetic. The funniest part is that the fatter you are the more the suit or shirt helps you! If being obese and stuffing yourself into a super tight suit to lift some huge weight is hardcore then, again, Satan has won ; ) How tight are these suits? Well you'll literally need a team of helpers to squeeze your fat ass into one and then, when you actually lift, you'll finish with massive blood blisters all over the high flexion points of the suit/shirt.

Yeah guys, real badass. Hey here's a novel idea: try lifting without that shit. Again I should point out that there are raw leagues wherein the use of such equipment is prohibited and I do respect that to some extent (they usually still allow belts = weak). There are also lean powerlifters who look like a million bucks, usually only the heavier weight classes get in to the whole fat baby look and, again, I will say I have respect for that (the lean guys). It's just the fat attention whore types who dominate the media, which is pissing me off. No one likes fat attention whores.

Chuck Collras, lightweight powerlifting champ. (1960s?)

The Rest

Olympic weightlifting is filled, at least here, with bitchy egomanics. Crossfit turns women into shaved ape chicks. Fitness in general is a social control mechanism to ensure there are recruitable drafts for whatever wars are being planned. It all sucks. Why are any of these paradigms in existence in the first place? Lifting weights (or rocks or whatever), looking good and being able should be a prerequisite to being a human. Like sleeping or dressing yourself. Do we hold dressing competitions or rank the 10 best sleepers in the country? Fuck no because that would be stupid.

I guess I should step back and try to remember that most of you don't classify as humans anyway and this is all a moot point for you scum.

To you scum: I think there is new episode of House you can download and, hey, why not grab some pizza and ice cream too? Already seen that episode of House? Big Bang Theory! Or how about Walking Dead? Or whatever piece of shit social program is in theaters right now?

Anyway, to those of you who qualify: try not to let these hilariously stupid categories interfere with your training. They all suck and are good, just keep your eye on the goal: awesomeness, which is a complete package of aesthetics, speed, coordination, strength, intelligence and good humor. Remember who you're working for : )

Back to the scum/slaves: you don't even know the meaning of suffering yet, I have yet to even begin. >= D Repent and kill yourselves now.