Ripper's Requiem

"I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids." - General Jack D. Ripper, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

So disturbingly enough, five years after having it removed, there are people who are rabble rousing in the media and interwebs to have the fluoride in the cities drinking water put back. Yes, I'm sure you read that right: they want it returned. 

Before I can continue: WHAT THE FLYING MONKEY FUCK?!?WHO???

A doctor and a dentist. Specifically, at least to my knowledge, a Dr. McLaren and one Dr. Patterson from the University of Alberta. These two have recently conducted a "study" (we'll get to that) that ostensibly shows that the oral health of children has declined since the removal of the fluoride from Calgary's water system. The fucking Global News talking libtard sock puppets explain in this shitpiece.

"Here's How"? You fucking arrogant scum. Like you fucking know! Talking to us like we're five. Further from a scientific standpoint the articles title is a misnomer because it doesn't actually explain how. But hey, you won't think about that will you? I mean as long as they sound authoritative who's to question them? I mean we're all a bunch of savage, profane fucking peasants, we should be thankful that a a sliver of the light of their divinity may grace our filthy hovels and show us they way to redemption from ourselves.

Anyway, back to the study, the authors state there is a "statistically significant" difference in pediatric oral health since the removal of the fluoride. In their study all they do is check TWO FUCKING THINGS: they compare incidences of disease occurrence in ONLY Calgary and Edmonton AND the children's access to fluoride! This is not science and this would casually be dismissed by anybody who knows how credible science is supposed to be done.

Wait for it: on the same article's page this fucking headline appears: "Tooth decay ‘epidemic’ in Canada could be linked to too much fruit juice, study suggests".

What is this blasphemy? Wait you mean there could be factors influencing childhood tooth decay other than just fluoride?? But the study those "scientists" did didn't measure that, could they have been, perhaps, motivated by other factors when writing aforementioned study than actually helping kids?

Simple answer: fuck and yes.

I mean it would be PROFESSIONALLY DERELICT not include a full mineral profile of the children in the study, I mean they had their fingernail samples and after all they were studying minerals right? Perhaps, just maybe, being "scientists" and all they would know that you can't absorb calcium without magnesium and you kinda use calcium to make strong teeth and all. Also they may know that magnesium deficiency is an incredibly common problem in most societies worldwide. 

Hey if dumbass fake news CommuNewsNetwork knows about it then what the fuck?

And, if it is in fact a massive problem in the plants we eat, then surely these saintly, well meaning scientists only concerned with the health of the children would know that already and have checked it. Well what do you think they did? 

Again: fuck and all.

These idiots should be disbarred from their respective professions for gross incompetence and fired for wasting a universities valuable money on a study that's worth less than its weight in shit. They didn't check Vitamin D either by the way BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T CHECK SHIT.

They were only focused on fluoride!! Why? Why would they do that? Kids teeth are rotting at one fucking year old!! Do they even care? NO! All they care about is fluoride! Again: WHY??

Good question. An article by another communist broadcasting company had an article that explained why the City had removed the fluoride (allegedly). It was because it was expensive (why a literally toxic byproduct of the aluminum industry is so expensive is confusing...). Also one city councilor had something interesting to say: "I would really question our right to put [fluoride] in, but … I don't question at all our right to remove it.". Holy shit: is she saying that poisoning the metabolic pathways of everyone so that kids can have fewer cavities is perhaps not within their rights to do? Who'da thunk it?

The culprit, given that the fact that tooth decay is on the rise in Edmonton as well as Calgary despite thier best effort to fluoridate everyone, is obviously the afforementioned nutritional problems i.e. high sugar diets low in in requisite nutrients for the proper formation of teeth (and god knows what else). 

Why the dangerously ignorant authors of the fluoride study don't understand this is very simple: if kids teeth get too bad then we, as a species, will have to address why. This is bad, if people figure out that cavities are nearly completely preventable who loses out? Dentists do. If we figure out that fact then people will ask "why did we bother with all the fluoride then?" and thus open a whole new can of shit the medical establishment will have to pony up to.

What they need is teeth just bad enough. They need the obvious: "dentists have helped so many many through fluoridation" line that keeps them smelling like roses. Further if there is fluoride in the water that adults drink too and said makes teeth brittle (via hypomineralization), then they can clean up on dentures, plates (lookup the price of these btw), bridges and the like for the whole life of the all too patient.

This is the sweetest part: are either of the authors of the fluoride study qualified to make any connections or assertions about the effect of fluoride on the oral health of human beings? I mean that's the job of a biochemist and probably one who teams with a biophysicist and probably not just one but a team of them. Are these two practitioners assuming the role, professionally, of a biochemist? Isn't that fraud? Isn't that illegal? Didn't the American Medical Association sucessfully sue the American goverment for "practicing medicine" when they ordered food companies to start enriching food so the Army could have viable and useful conscripts? 

See the connection?

These fucktards will obfuscate, bend the law and downright lie. You have to ask: why? If they were on the level why would they suck so bad?

The real crime is that people don't read, they don't fucking learn, they just just let Global News dispense edicts down from the priests of the cult of scientism to the heathenous, itellectually leperous masses with no opposition.

I guess orcs beget orcs. I fucking hate orcs.

Biceps (or whatever) Everyday

So, the internet, sounding board and echo chamber for the barely literate brainwashed masses of Earth. Seems like it's cool, you can talk to people with similar interests, maybe find out some cool stuff, you know. Sounds good in theory until you get cultish troops of mind enslaved goons bouncing the same wrong and misinformed opinions back and forth until they all feel really good about themselves.

The really funny part is that although hearing the same rhetoric bandied to and fro can make you feel like you're right about something but it A) doesn't mean you are and, B) gives you a false sense of reality and thusly your place place therein - merely stuffing padding over a fragile and over-inflated ego. Like putting too much air in a balloon, the resulting structure will destroy itself on the smallest of preturbations.

Case in point: working a muscle everyday and still making gains. Behold the web of dummies and their pseudo literate scrawlings of simplistic and inexperienced bro lore.

The steroidology.com forum had this wonderful shitbit when queried about a guy who did bench and arms everyday, who was by all accounts both strong and huge:

jawbreaker1:
"hes an asshole. Who would choose to be off balance? I can understand when your in jail and you have a bench and a pull up bar, but have to do bodyweight squats. but when you are at a gym and you dont utilize the tools at your disposal, your a prick." (maybe I should say about people who start their paragraphs with lower case letters or who seem to have been in jail, maybe there's a connection?)

Same thread:

Loaded Gun:
"Thats part of the reason some people have well developed upper body and sticks for legs (unless genetic predisposition exists)... It makes no sense to only work 1 or 2 muscles every session. There is a guy at my gym I have noticed seems like he only does squats (like mad weight, fills the bar with plates)... but he only does maybe a 3 sets low reps (3-8). He also does bench press (a lot of weight as well). IMO, he is not really doing himself any good other than demonstrating his capacity to move a lot of weight a few times. He does not look like he is in shape, he may be around 250-275 lbs or so. I dont get it either.... no point to go to the gym and train like that unless you are prepping for some power lifting competition where that is the goal, one specific exercise, one specific category....otherwise, its nonsense."

Wow, holy shit, name calling? Really? A guy who is squatting a bar full of plates is engaging in "nonsense"? This should be easy to sum up in the original posters own words:

" PS. If you can't tell I'm pissed and jealous and the same time."

Ooh, big man on the steroid forum. Why does this sound like the catty, bitchy jealousness of a pack of vapid mall crawling valley girls? "Like OMG did you see what that (hotter than me) girl was wearing??? If I had that top with those pants I'd just kill myself, what a tramp".

Hmmm... well, maybe it's the juice rotting their brains, maybe bodybuilding.com will have a more "natty" approach:

RisingOutlaw:
"why would you want to? To make them bigger?

Do some research and work on your triceps instead.

Muscles don't grow in the gym. They grow when you sleep."

errrrr.....

RisingOutlaw:
"The tricep is about 3 times bigger than your bicep. When it grows it literally pushes the bicep up and makes it look bigger."

uhhhhh.....

So how does that work?

Man this is getting bad..... okay, so the dogma is only twice per week??


" I do them twice every 6 days. More would be overtraining."

"work them once a week"

"Once or twice a week."

"twice a week. there's a guy who does biceps everyday at my school, he's the official inside joke of the weight room"


That's funny, there's this guy who had a different approach:

In his book "The New Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding" on page 182 in the section called "Level II Basic Training" Arnold Schwarzenegger outlines a plan that includes training biceps SIX TIMES A WEEK. In fact one would train their WHOLE BODY SIX TIMES A WEEK(!!!) as per the outlined program.

Huh, no shit, well there's the word, backed by experience, of the most recognized bodybuilder ever but there's also science. Suppversity recently covered a study on training biceps everyday by

• Dankel, et al. "Muscle adaptation to 21 Straight Days of Elbow Flexor Exercise in Trained Individuals." Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise: May 2016 - Volume 48 - Issue 5S - p 452.

that said not only CAN you do it but it works really good!

Just juice and the insecurity of a bulimic fashion model - and there's nothing wrong with juice.

Railgun + Dummies

Just when you think you're too jaded to bother writing anymore (is that even possible?)...

A man builds a hobby railgun. Cool, that seems pretty gnarly, I mean it's cool from a design stndpoint. It's cool from a he-actually-did-it standpoint and it's nice to know that people still have some drive and ingenuity and spend their time doing something other than trolling facebook or instagram or whatever shit it is that people do these days. Then the comments, remember that these are supposedly intelligent, tech savvy people:

"Guess who just made it on a Government list?"

"Prepare to get a few surprise visits and phone calls."

"Shocking! Unreal! The government hates him!"

For what? Building a monstrously large and heavy railgun that is in no way man portable, that has a $2400 to $40 000 set of capacitors that won't even shoot through a cell phone and pumpkin at 10 feet? Davy fucking Crocket was packing more firepower than this sophisticated monstrosity puts out. I am literally saying that a musket has more stopping power than this, it's also lighter, less complex, reloads faster and has a lower incidence of failure. To boot you can pick up a kit and build one yourself with no licenses required and they're relatively cheap!

Holy shit, the feds need to nab this guy!

Railgun: cool hobby, not a threat to anything.

So why then are supposedly intelligent people making overtures to the contrary? Because even people who are supposedly smart are in fact just well indoctrinated stupid people. You can watch the projectile penetrate about five or six inches of ballistics gel (an AK does almost 30!) meaning that yes it could be lethal but an eight inch butcher knife will do eight and leave a much larger hole, also a bow and arrow, crossbow, bayonet, atlatl, sharpened stick, pointed rebar or any number of items that NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT. Hello people: logic?

Oh yeah, that's what Spock does right?

No it's what the only part of your brain that makes you human does, you troglodyte. Using this logic thing, it should stand to reason that if you don't use logic then you don't get to count as a human being. This means you are a second class subhuman to be used for slavery for the benefit of the actual humans. You get to choose, you do it all the time and this is level you have chosen to use to represent yourself.

Ugh...

The government hates him? What about the 3D printed guns guy? Or Gerard Metral? Good god people why are you so retarded?

GET IT TOGETHER: LIFT WEIGHTS, READ BOOKS BY SMART PEOPLE AND QUESTION THEM, LEARN SOME SCIENCE, GET CURIOUS, PLAY AN INSTRUMENT AND STOP BEING A DRAG ON THE COLLECTIVE EVOLUTION OF MAN.

Easy Muscle

This is not part two of my previous post.

This is about training and specifically about gaining muscle. This is supposed to be an easy process and it is, if you do it right. Think: prisoners bulk up and they eat garbage, literally the food they are served is a violation of human rights.

I'm amazed they don't just die. They probably want to.

Yet somehow they manage to stay alive and get freaky strong using, generally, nothing but body weight exercises as weights have been banned in most prisons. This topic is covered much more in depth by a former inmate in his book "Convict Conditioning"- if you're into bodyweight workouts get it.

Anyhoo, many people find themselves in situations that are far less than ideal nutrition wise and most of them make this out to be the death knell of productive training. Given the previous example of prisoners and with the addition of college students I will outline a workout plan that should work almost regardless of your nutritional situation.

The Rationale

Most shitty diets are high in carbohydrates and low in protein. Muscle size can be increased by increasing the sarcoplasm in between contractile proteins. This is good because stimulating carbohydrates to be taken up by said sarcoplasm is easy. Just exhaust the desired muscle within a given timeframe, why is time important? Metabolic systems will run out of gas within a certain time frame and different metabolisms use different fuels, when the fuel is exhausted rapidly, mRNA strands will be produced to increase the amount of fuel stored in the body. Ergo creatine depleted muscle signals increase in sarcoplasmic volume and sarcoplasmic volume is the result of carbs and water being taken from the bloodstream and stored within muscles.

This is a ridiculously (overly) simple overveiw but I have given you the keywords so that you may do your own homework if concerned. Oh and by the way, you'll still gain strength, recent studies have shown that one can gain as much strength using higher reps (8-12) as can be gained using lowerish reps (5-7).

All boringness aside, here is the plan:

Behind the neck press or military, 2 sets of 12
Squats, 2 sets of 12
Bench, 2 x 12
Rows, 2 x 12
Curls, 2 x 12

If you're a little adventurous and can hack a little more pain and would like to make even better gains: do two sets of 30 sec. instead of counting reps.

Do this 3ish times a week if you can, go heavy enough that you have to rest/pause the last two reps on your second set (if you're doing reps) and chill. Actually I really mean that, practice chilling, learn to relax totally at will. This skill is what sets high performers apart from the mediocre and further, it shifts hormone levels toward anabolism and away from catabolism. This is good period, as it can work toward extending your life, increasing performance in all aspects of life, making you look better and best, helping you feel better.

Seems too easy? It is, duh, your diet sucks! But it will work.

Easy - like bulking up should be. Maurice Jones used a routine very similar to this one and people called him the Canadian Hercules.

Mr. Jones

An Aside

The fitness industry is exactly that, industry. The job of industry is to make money, not to be the best for the humans. They'll sell you all kinds of shit, knowledge included, that is basically garbage. Supplements, besides legit stuff like minerals and vitamins, are garbage. Most workout programs are flat out insane. Give it up, if it seems too good to be true it probably is.

It seems to me that the modern idea of hyper buffness is fueled, like it has been this whole time, by the gay community. Great for the gays, but if you're not gay you shouldn't have them telling you how you should look. Many pro bodybuilders moonlight providing various 'services' to the gay community to afford to keep bodybuilding, great if you're into it, shitty if you're not.

Masculine art? What's that suppo... ohhh...

"Permission to.. come aboard?" "Only if you go astern and stow that cargo, seaman"

I mean do you think the gays would appreciate if we told them how to look? Apocalyptic bitch fest I'm sure. Why is this important? Because you're supposed to be a relaxed, confident man or woman not insecure about exactly how buff and or lean you are. Fitness is an aside to life, don't major in the minors.

The "Manosphere"

I've got some problems with this idea of "neo-masculinism".

Sexism is Sexism

The first thing I'd like to touch upon is the treatment of women by neo-masculinists. On many popluar neo-masculinist websites women are treated basically as sex objects, this may set off alarm bells as being a feminist statement. I can assure you I am no more a fan of feminists than any neo-masculinist and I shall quote Nietzsche to make my point:

"Obey, must the woman, and find a depth for her surface. Surface, is woman's soul, a mobile, stormy film on shallow water. Man's soul, however, is deep, its current gusheth in subterranean caverns: woman surmiseth its force, but comprehendeth it not."

To summarize, women are mercurial and men are there to keep them in check, so to speak. This is where the, what I consider to be, blatant hypocrisy in the neo-masculine movement becomes shockingly obvious. We have sites that, on one hand, accuse women of being skanky, easy and entitled. Then, on the same sites, there are articles teaching men how to pick up several women a week.

So: women behaving like harlots is bad, but then, men behaving like tomcats is good.

Women are somehow less for being slutty, entitled bitches, but, men behaving exactly the same way is not only acceptable but encouraged as being more manly!

I see cognitive problems at play here.

We are in this mess because men behaved this way first, then women followed suite under the guise of female empowerment, now we don't like the situation and the solution is to act vociferously in the same manner that created the issue.

This would say to me that the men in the neo-masculine movement are virtually the exact reflection of the neo-feminists they rail against. The situation is analogous to a cat fighting itself in the mirror.

 Narcissism can usually only exist in the presence of 'the other' and the narcissist will project the negative qualities suppressed in the unconscious onto the other to maintain the bloated, corpulent ego of the narcissist (which is perfect, always right and superior to the other). This is all hilariously textbook and is akin to the wanton hatred and outright violence perpetrated agaisnt whites for 'being racists' (see Ferguson riots or White History Month).

Thankfully, this understanding of the self can cause a cathartic Hegelian resolution to the situation if the self and the other can just come to the single point of: "obviously we both have legitimate grievances, that together, we will have to take steps to amend". In lieu of such a conclusion, the two sides will remain at the mercy of any entity who can manipulate the perception of either side.

The Haters

In any polarized group there will always be the die hard haters, this is to be expected, what is also to be expected is that they will behave badly regardless of what happens. The likely explanation is that these people will be problematic to others no matter what. Merely allow them to expose their bad behavior and destructive personalities for what they are and their voice in the issue will become moot.

For the short attention spanners, here's the issue in cat pictures:

Conflict.

Faith that your side is right.

The realization that neither side is right and the conflict has been perpetuated by your combined ignorance and that as such it is likely you have just behaved very badly.

What you probably should have done.

Stay tuned for Part 2: The Brain, Sex and Man

A New Low?

Holy fuck my humans, people, not humans, are fucked.

Being the last guy to hear about anything because I eschew mass media (television, radio, news websites, etc.) like most people avoid reading, I have only just heard about the whole 'Ferguson thing'. Truly behind the times, one may say I even have a Russian fashion sense....

Track suit and dress shoes: done it.

Anyway, apparently this whole business is because a white police officer shot an unarmed black youth. Where to begin, let's start with race: this is the most hypocritical bullshit I've ever heard in my life. In fact I have pause to take a breath....... ah, better.

Okay, I will say this: blacks, whites, jews, whoever is rioting and exploding what is basically a non-event: you are the racists.

Yeah fuck you: you goddamn racist scum. Race is not the issue, white youths are shot by black police officers and no one cares or at least are better behaved about it. Further not only are you racist, you are morons who are exploiting an event for your own self centered gains.

Case in point: I'm sure the liquor store is the real culprit.

Then people have the audacity to put shit like this up, making it seem like the ferguson cops are a bunch of klan members. This is all spin.

Hmm... I wonder why... (see above looters)

I understand that these stats are alledgedly for the year previous to the shooting, making the Ferguson police force a bunch of white supremecists right? Well look who's looting the fucking liqour store! Duh. Guess what: black people in the US commit more violent crimes per capita than white people!! My god, how could I say that?? Don't I know that we have to lie about reality so as not to hurt anyone's feelings? No I don't and you who think that are fucked in the head and contributing to the downfall of all western civilization.

Would the police be racist if they assumed that white people in trailer parks were drunk wife beaters? NO! Or how about heavily tattooed latinos being gang members?

You black looters: don't you feel any shame for making your whole race look like a bunch of violent, alcoholic, sociopathic thieves? If it seems like you're being targeted by police, maybe it's because you are and maybe it's because there is a very good reason! Durr!!

Now I'm not one to paint anything with too broad a brush and I should say that I do not believe that all black people are the things I said above and, I'm sure that not all latinos with lots of tattoos are gang members or, even that all trailer park dwelling white trash are drunk wife beaters. But in reality many of these stereotypes are true in abstract, which most of the time is all we humans have to go off of.

Imagine you have a gun, you are are in the exact vicinity in which a 300lb. 6'4" man has just assaulted a shop owner, a man who fits the exact description is seen by you, charging toward you, what do you do? I would point my gun at him and command him to put his hands up and lay down on the ground (if I had time) if not I would have shot him. I would choose self defense over being physically dominated and possibly killed by a man twice my size. I would have made the decision to fire regardless of the mans race. This is exactly what happened in the shooting death of Michael Brown.

If you'd like to read more about this and even see CCTV photos of Michael Brown using violence against an unarmed man right before he was killed go here.

As a side note: there has been a slew of disturbing mass rapes of children, another of which is outlined on this link (repeat). The fact that most, if not all, of the men involved were black is indicative of why police officers may in fact have a 'bias' toward thinking that black men were perhaps more physically dangerous than other races and making on the fly decisions to fire upon them.

Again I won't be as stupid to say that all mass rapes of anyone are conducted by one race. But again there does seem to be a penchant or "culture" of this type of behavior in certain racial groups.

This whole situation is so fucked as to highlight the absolute total stupidity of everyone involved: the black people for sticking up for a thug only because of his skin color, the white people for believing blindly that the black people had some kind of justification for behaving badly and insulting whites,
the jews for using their media control to incite everyone against everyone else, everyone for believing it all and the humans for not saying or doing anything about the whole insanity.

Ridiculous! YOU ARE ALL MORONS! All this event has proved is how incredibly racist all races are and that you should be disgusted by how unfathomably lame you will be to each other based on it.

This is a new low. (Comment: this piece is brief, too brief for me to say even half of what I want to. This topic activates me too much to even write semi coherently, so do your own research, make up your own mind and to see how the media fits in, watch this great video.)

Oh wait: it's been happening the whole time!!

Calisthenics

In the not so distant past, we humans of the third sphere, thought erroneously that dope buffness and freaky android super strength were merely for those who would meld with mechanism. That the 'trick' to looking and feeling like the human we wanted to be were to found in the clutches of semi-robotic exercise cages... that exercise looked like this:

Sophistry and conjecture.

We are the descendants of the most powerful organic system this planetary system has ever imagined into existence. Our inheritance is is this:

Herc's obliques spill over his illiac crest.

For the more slight of frame:

I ask you reader: tell me if either of these men look like the man in the machine. Further I ask: to what ideal do you aspire? I am fairly certain most men's ideal looks something like this:

Not Arnold.

Lean, mobile with well developed muscles of the abdomen, arms and shoulder girdle.

There is no coincidence that both of these men are upside down.

I will say now that one does not require machines, barbells, dumbbells, elastic bands or any kind of equipment whatsoever to become the beneficiary of their inheritance. All it takes are some very simple precepts.

Work all three body segments: upper, abdomen and lower.

This does not need to be complicated, for example one may choose to start with very basic exercises such as push ups and squats. It bears to keep in mind that push ups require holding a plank position and is a beginner level ab exercise. That you do the exercises is more important than choosing your program parameters perfectly.

Do only what you can do. Don't injure yourself.

A very important point here is to stay tight while doing high strength-skill exercises. If one is just starting, push ups may meet this criteria. Keep the armpits tight, clench the abs and glutes, try to make a fist even if one is performing an open hand variation and pull the kneecaps up. If you'd like to learn more about the skill of getting tight, read Pavel Tsatsouline's masterwork 'The Naked Warrior', the man is a genius.

Use high volumes of work. 

Exercise stress activates the the production of mRNA strands, the more strands present at any given time - the more structural adaptation there is to the imposed stress. There are two primary ways to produce high levels of epigenetic adaptation to exercise: impose high levels of acute stress as in, do few sets to circa-failure. Conversely one may do many sets without going to failure and increasing the time between sets.

If one chooses the first method, one is limited in the amount of volume they can perform by metabolic fatigue. Thus limiting their total production of messenger RNA.

If one performs a much higher volume of work by doing less repetitions per set, the trainee may perform double or more total mRNA encoding reps. This follows how humans tend operate naturally, if one were to climb a mountain or thresh grain by hand they would be very wise to pace themselves as the volume of work required is high and the prevention of metabolic and nervous fatigue is crucial to the successful completion of their task.

Gymnasts train for many hours per day, if they exhausted themselves too quickly they would be unable to perform all of the training required of their sport, they also posses some of the most developed male and female physiques on the planet.

A good method is to do one set of push ups and squats every hour for ten hours. Of course as one becomes more advanced they may choose to do an ab exercise as well.

Practice a wide variety of skills to prevent stagnation and increase strength-skill.

Muscular tension causes the activation of genes that result in adaptation to said tension, over time those levels of tension will cease to cause adaptation. This means that new and more intense stimulus must be introduced constantly to keep the body adapting. This is taken to non-functional extremes by some popular workout programs, a good reference to keep in mind is to practice exercises that are the same but different.

An example: if one were to follow the above push ups and squats program - one may choose to do normal push ups for one set an hour later do Russian push ups and the next do close grip push ups and so on. The exercise is the same but different. The varying levels of tension on different body structures will stimulate the expansion of neural nets and keep ones strength progressing.

Further by practicing a variety of skills, one works into more challenging exercises that are much more visually impressive and fun to perform. This tends to keep athletes interested in training.

Lose fat. You will automatically increase your power to weight ratio.

Body fat, while being unsightly is also a detriment to calisthenics performance as the increased resistance of non-functional bodymass impedes the performance of more complex and challenging exercises. This is why gymnasts, martial artists and rock climbers all try to stay as lean as possible. Increased work volume with no corresponding increase in caloric intake will serve reduce fat mass by itself.

The metabolic secretions produced by working muscle serve to increase human growth hormone levels - this hormone is correlated with decreased levels of body fat. Both the production of hGH and the concomitant decrease in body fat result in a favourable modification in the amount of circulating leptin, high levels of this hormone are correlated with overfeeding and poor nutrient partitioning causing more instances of over-eating and an increased propensity for excess calories to be stored as bodyfat as opposed to muscle mass.

This article is meant to be an introduction to the world of calisthenic training, it is by no means exhaustive of the topic. If one would like to learn more about exercises and their progressions, check this link out.

Flappy Bird: Earth with Humans v1.674927351(74)×10−27

Oooooooh - new Martian developments! This would be one of my faorite topics if it weren't for all the cranks and dumbasses involved in the field. I appreciate their curiosity and enthusiasm it's just that most of them are shockingly inept at coming to conclusions about things. Perhaps 'coming to conclusions' is the wrong phrase, lets say 'positing hypotheses based on available evidence'.

Fresh off the presses we have this fantastic new find:

http://mars.jpl.nasa.gov/mer/gallery/all/1/m/3720/1M458433044EFFCEQKP2955M2M1.HTML

What you may or may not notice is that to the right of centre you'll see a circle with a cross in the centre. Everybody and their dog is jumping on the "valve handle" hypothesis. While it could be the remnant of a mechanical artifact (for all any of us know the picture is fake and there are no rovers on Mars) or perhaps it's evidence of 'aliens' in a different way....

You see there is such a thing as a trace fossil, something that while not intact has left a fossilized imprint of itself or a process for which it was responsible. Behold! examples:

Fossil? Yes - but I'll be damned if that doesn't look like a Yin/Yang with a crude Bagua.

Heel strike from a basketball shoe? Nope. Fossil.

Holy fucking black and white Batman... here let me infuse some 'kulahs':

Suck on that. BTW I saw your mom behind Taco Bell in handcuffs XD

Okay anyway, impressions can be left behind by various lifeforms that look to us to be of intelligent providence when in fact it was some stupid tubeworm fucking around 500 milliion years ago. Now it should be stated that I don't blame a tubeworm for the NASA shape, it could have been a sea star or urchin-like creature, it could be a valve handle, it could be celtic cross engraving left by time travelling Merovingians, how the fuck could I tell? For all I know space as we claim to understand it isn't real and there are no other planets and the Earth is flat.

All I'm saying, like with the 'dinosaurs are fake' thing, is: we don't know. All we have to go on is either our own direct experience or a priori conclusions which includes but is not limited to hearsay. One sucks totally and one is still quite dubious. Allow me to explain.

Explanation:
Direct experience is obviously the best of the two. After all experience is what the scientific method is based off of. The same scientific method that so many take to be a stifling and dogmatic religion all too unfortunately, anyway nonetheless it is an accepted method by which the likely truth of a matter is resolved. It's good enough for court, right?

Wrong. Don't get me started on court. The senses you use to experience the supposed outer reality are in fact synthetic. As in they are the synthesis of electrical inputs into your brain into something we can't find: experience. It's fascinating to me that people think they experience reality when they can't find what it is that experiences it. They say "brain, the brain experiences it" okay then why do brain dead cardiac patients see the room containing their switched off cadaver and can describe conversations the surgeons had while legally dead?

The structure of the brain does not account for experience, and I don't mean memory, I mean the active experiencer, that which experiences only the now (which is eternity really if you think about it: it's never not now...). Obviously this gets into some pretty fucky territory so I'll move on.

The point is that which you experience is a proxy assembled from electrons and the structure of the inside of your own brain, not reality. It is impossible to experience reality directly because it would seem the experiencer is not present in what we call reality, likely because physical reality is an illusion, or something. So to say: "FACT: ANYTHING" is a fallacy, it is at best a supposition.

If I were to choose a pop culture reference to what reality actually is, I'd choose this one:

Crude, yes, but I believe it gets the point across.... oh wait: humans.... crap.

It's likely that there is no physical universe as we think of physicality and what lies beneath is just information, the binary codices of some super intelligent macrobe to whom we are simply gut fauna and this, the dream dreamed collectively by our doubly helical processing core, spewing forth the  "Flappy Bird: Earth with Humans v1.674927351(74)×10−27" that is all we will ever experience as ourselves in this "place".

Keep fit and have fun, or don't: it's your fantasy.

Holy Fuck Boys: Dinosaurs are Fake!

I was listening to Liquid Stranger and reading this hilarious article in which the author postulates that there is in fact evidence to support a 'dinosaurs are fake' hypothesis, or at least illuminate the glaring and disturbing lack of transparency in palaeontology. Now I am not one to say something like the world was made by the Christian god five thousand years ago. Nor am I really in a position to refute that supposition other than by saying that if christians are made in the image of god then their god would have been too fucked in the head to have made a world as genuinely interesting as this one.

Lambastes aside, this article posits some interesting points in critical thought: if you have never seen a dinosaur bone, ever, because they are not on display to the public; how would you be able to verify their existence? Trust in an "expert" would be a priori and therefore inadequate to base any solid conclusions on. Beware how many of your supposed "truths" are in fact beliefs based on a priori conclusions. Lapses in logical thought land people in very embarrassing places.

Further incriminating the establishment is that they push the idea of something they refuse to validate with the supposed actual evidence, on children. Dinosaurs aren't being marketed on adults, they are categorically being pushed on kids. The old catholic motto of "get 'em while they're young" seems poignantly applicable here. Kids are the easiest to convince of anything and further, if you are able to keep your dubious narrative intact to about the time of young adulthood, diminishing mental plasticity will ensure the spurious engram remains intact throughout life.

Mental plasticity and the weaponized use of said is a huge topic that goes beyond the scope of this piece but I admonish the reader to learn about it for oneself.

It is important to realize that at the time of the creation of palaeontology there were other suspiciously insubstantive avenues of study being legitimized as "scientific". Egyptology comes to mind. The study of which, being far from a hard science like chemistry, was open to the rose coloured or, in this case opaque, interpretations of the data by arrogant primitive supremicists. The dogmatists of that era juxtaposed into the future would probably explain the Hoover Dam as a temple for pagan rituals to the river gods and posit the generators found within as "ceremonial objects".

Palaeontology is no different. It has has been twisted and molded to fit the conclusions of Charles Darwin. We now understand that Darwin was wrong and that punctuated equilibrium actually fits the evidence much better, leaving the question: why do people still believe in Darwin's crackpot theories? See above "get 'em while they're young" explanation and notice how effective it is.

If you'd like to learn more about the dubious nature of the studies of palaeontology, palaeoanthropology and anthropology, and the insane dogmatic narcissists found within, read the excellent (and scholarly) tome 'Forbidden Archaeology' by Michael Cremo. Prepare to be shocked, horrified and disgusted.

Again I should mention that I am neither for or against the dinosaurs are fake theory, I just realize that we, as people lacking direct experiential knowledge, should be not be dismissing such claims lightly. When it comes down to it, we must remember that we have no idea where we are, what we are doing here, what we are, what this place is or how any of this stuff got here. As such I find the idea of any man as an authority laughable: man has no clue about anything, not even himself, so who is anyone to say what is best for anyone else. I have digressed.

If you find yourself having an emotional reaction or really any reaction to the theory, ask yourself why. Why would you care? What does the existence of dinosaurs or non existence matter to your life? Perhaps you are uncomfortable for having believed something that it turns out could be totally bogus? Why do you feel insecure about that?

I certainly feel there is something very wrong in the gestalt of the academic study of anything anthro or paleo. There are too many people with large theosophical and personal investments who are more than happy to lie, both to themselves and to the public, about anything that doesn't fit.

Just keep in mind: we don't know shit.

Ab Training: Don't be Stupid

I was reading the unfortunately titled "Women's Health" and came across a very tiny training article. It seems odd that a health magazine would have so little of it's content devoted to exercise, for instance there was more more page space devoted to ice cream than the article I'm about to mention. This pictogram (article is too nice) is called "Four Moves for Insanely Toned Abs #nofilter" (yes there was a hashtag on the articles title) and it appeared in the July/August 2014 edition.

Oh and by the way, this issue claimed to be a fitness special (!?!).

So we get two thirds of a page showing four exercises with a paragraph explaining each start/finish pictogram. Let's see what Katie Mack, a trainer at New York's Peak Performance, has to say about ab training:

1. "Suitcase Deadlift" - except the blurb says to use two dumbbells thus making a dumbbell deadlift as the suitcase deadlift is performed with only one dumbbell or, better yet, barbell. Dumbbell deadlifts suck because dumbbells are too light, one is much better off using a trap bar deadlift because it's virtually the same and you can use an actual load.

To be fair a real suitcase deadlift is a great ab exercise - if you aren't going for a small feminine waist. You see suitcase DLs will build the obliques and make your waist appear wider, even if you don't build any muscle as the increased tonus will cause the obliques to appear more prominent. Oh well.

2. "Half Kneeling Overhead Dumbbell Press" - the pictogram shows a woman in a lunge position poorly pressing a dumbbell with the opposite hand from her leading leg. Not a wholly bad exercise despite being very poorly described, but only as a coordination/activation type of drill as the load used is unlikely to be particularly stimulating.

3. "Goblet Split Squat" - when and why did the lunge become a "split squat"? Is this just modern sophistry? This should read 'Goblet Lunge' and when did this become an ab exercise?? But it gets worse....

4. Bent Over Row - exactly what it says, with dumbbells. Again - wtf??? Really? What kind of insane world is this where not only are such poor articles written but then are printed in the "Fitness Special" of a health magazine? If this is working your abs you have severe and horrible physical issues.

I think a round of applause is in order for Katie Mack for entertaining us all so well with her obviously comedic article. Hazzahs for all!

Actually Good Advice:

But much more seriously we should consider what would likely comprise an actually good ab training routine. Moves basically anyone who isn't physically disabled can do, good volume and moves that will encourage good abdominal development without making the subject blocky looking.

Hmm.... why even waste time with a variety of moves when we could just use one? Especially if the move is the one gymnasts, divers and acrobats use to build their freaky strength?

No not the L-Sit, we need to account for noobs, the move is the Compression Hold. The CH is what you start with to build up to the L-sit but can be used indefinitely because you can never really get too strong for it. Oh and did I mention how easy it is to learn? Perfect for mostly everybody.

Behold: pictures.

How to do: try to make the distance between your sternum and pubic bone as short as you can (as in: shorten abs as much as possible), push your hands into the floor as hard as you can (and don't stop!), point your toes and lift your legs off the floor. It doesn't matter how high or even if you get them off the ground just as long as you try really, really hard. You'll know you've got it when your abs feel like they're tearing apart.

If you get bored: try this variation.

Basically the same deal as far as execution but when you do it you'll why it's good. Oh and the idea is that you do holds for time and holds for form. First in your workout do them with beautiful form: pointed toes, legs high, like you're showing off for judges - no sets and reps, just practice getting good. As a finisher (shudder) do one hold for time.

For the dummies: this is a hold, there is no movement, get in position and stay there, this is the not-lame version of a plank.

Ok so go do this. Like right now. Why are you still reading this? Go - it takes no time. Seriously this is lame, why are you reading workout articles if you're not gonna go do it? Leave your computer and compression hold - you'll be way cooler if you do...

Stuff that is Good: Push Press Behind the Neck

...or whatever you want to call it - it's dope as fuck. I mean they're good enough for Mariusz and clearly he knows what the fuck is up.

This exercise is a great adjunct to benching, especially if benching is causing:

• Caveman or computer posture i.e. slumped, rounded or forward set shoulders.
• Pain radiating down the arms.
• Pain in the front of the shoulder.
• Really any benching related malady other than sore wrists.

The reason being that while benching tends to tighten the muscles on the front of the thorax and thus reciprocally inhibit the muscles opposite to them. Push press behind the neck (PPBN), when done properly (we'll go over that in a minute), causes intense contractions of the posterior shoulder girdle and thus reciprocally inhibits the tight frontal muscles. So you could think of it as being kind of like a 'bench remedy'.

Further, because we're doing a push we are removing the "danger zone" at the bottom of the lift that seems to irritate some people's shoulders. Obviously a good thing if you have high mileage shoulders or hooked acromion processes. This exercise is also sweet because one does not require a spotter, use bumpers and just bail if things get hairy.

Another advantage to the push is that you'll be able to handle more weight. This is always good, people rail on about how you need to use control, feel the mind/muscle connection blah, blah, blah. Arnold used swing curls (275lbs.) to build his seriously freaky biceps, same with Magnus Samuelson (315lbs.). Guess what: muscles get bigger and stronger in response to heavy loads. My god this is clearly rocket science.

Magnus

Arnold

How to do:

1. Copy Mariusz in the video.
2. Squinch (technical term) your mother loving shoulder blades together and push them down while pressing. This forms what I call the "virtual pelvis" and is the true magic of this exercise.
3. Keep abs tight as fuck, otherwise you'll be weak and shitty and hurt your lower back.

If you bench: do these. If you don't bench: start benching and do these.

You'd be stupid not to

Stuff that is Good: Swings

People love kittens and babies and really horrible television shows. I love kettlebell swings. They are possibly the best exercise there is: period.

The big issue is the name, it makes people think that the exercise is just swinging a KB around. I have some news that may shock and discredit you: it's not. The KB swing should really be called something stupid like: "ballistic weighted standing hip extension with isometric contraction". Thankfully it's not because that sounds really, verily lame but it does get the point across that there is in fact much more to swings than swinging.

The big thing that people fuck up is not jamming their feet hard into the ground during the acceleration phase, this leads to the concomittant failure to fully extend the hips at the top and flex them isometrically before the deceleration phase.

So very, very wrong. Nice tights dumbass.

These points remain the same whether you are doing the squat style swing (which is asinine to begin with) or the hinge style swing or any combination thereof. What should happen as a result is butt soreness. If you don't have sore hip muscles from doing swings you have just failed an intelligence test, thankfully you can take the test as many times as it takes for you to get it right.

The next big fuck up is trying to muscle the KB up with the arms and shoulders, this is WRONG people. Try that with deadlifts and see how far you get. The swing is like a ballistic deadlift and there's so arms in deadlifting (upper arms anyway). Women are actually way worse for this, I'm not sure why and I don't care: just knock it off!

For such a simple movement it's surprising how infrequently I've seen them done right, not really surprising given the human penchant for dumbness. The plus side is that when done properly the rewards are nothing short of astounding:

• Restores length/tension relationships between agonist/antagonist pairs. As in: fixes your hips, back and knees.
• Better looking butt and abs.
• Downright shocking metabolic load so you get super fit as well as buff and awesome.
• Improves practically everything.
• Chunks out massive doses of GH from your pituitary (for free!).
• Did I mention these actually fix your body as opposed to messing it up?
• Easy to go heavy, no light KBs required.

That last point is a big one: use lots of weight. Swings with anything less than a 36 lb (female) or a 72 lb (male) better be happening because you just got out of surgery. No this isn't some macho bullshit, the KB has to be heavy enough to cause you to have to breathe with the movement, if you aren't you're not getting even close to maximum benefit from them.

The next point is this: you do not have to swing the KB any higher than your shoulders. Higher is not better and if you use a mega heavy KB and can only swing it to waist height that is totally fine. Use weight, not height. Brace your damn abs and tighten your hips at the top. Stand up as straight as you can at the top and avoid leaning back too much, people who do that are usually substituting spinal mobility for hip mobility and that means tight and weak hips, do it right and your tight weakness will be a distant memory.

More could be said about tight weakness, length tension relationships, reciprocal inhibition, etc. but fuck it. You know you should do them and you should go do them instead of reading a bunch academic fluff talk.

Now go: be strong.

Random Thoughts: Crime and Punishment

British people, as an overt generalization, are fat, pale and kind of look like babies. Well it turns out they are about as smart as babies too - but apparently a lot more sadistic. You see while studying new ways to punish people (?) Rebecca Roache and her fellows came up with perhaps the most hideously sterile and horrible of all punishments: time dilation.

I'm not sure where to start with this: the fact that a philosopher has failed in the use of the most fundamental tenet of philosophy (reason), that said philosopher is granted awards from allegedly prestigious institutions or that anyone even listens to her. Fail, fail, fail. Big heap fail. Collectively, humans have leaped from the roof of the house of dignity and justice, obliterated the folding table of logic and reason and now are screaming in pain in the backyard wrestling arena of the universe.

Firstly, we have been using punishment as a method to discipline the non-conforming aspects of society for thousands of years. Clearly it has failed to bring about any positive changes in the punishee because recidivism (in the US) is approximately 50%. If this were an exam we would have failed it. So why do we continue to enact the reciprocating idiocy of Einstein's definition of insanity? Perhaps it's because the people in charge of the "justice" system make way too much money off of exploiting an inbuilt psychological construct from childhood: the notion of punishment by authority ("this hurts me more than it hurts you" "It's for your own good" etc.). Maybe it's because anyone who is in a position to do anything about it is likely a psychopathic megalomaniac who derives pleasure from the suffering of others - a wetigo (and here) in the words of the Ojibwa.

Maybe it's because humans are psychotic barking reptiles (psychologically speaking) who are apparently incapable of thinking. Thinking being the application of reason to a situation via conscious abstraction on the part of the thinker and not merely the act of engaging your inner dialogue. Studies wherein a method of subconscious 'priming' were used to asses the plasticity of the human decision making process show us that humans are not well equipped when it comes time to actually think. Hence reflexive R-brain mediated decision process, hence stupid barking reptiles dressed in human suits.

Man as master of his own destiny is apparently a crock, your environmental stimulus seems to do the "thinking" for you. Weird, yet much like in 'They Live' - "it figures it would be something like this".

Next we run into some heavyweight philosophical issues: who has the authority (right) to punish another at all? I would argue that the injured party does. When I say injured party I am not talking about the state nor am I speaking of non-tangible injuries. For example: if one doesn't wear a seatbelt, which is generally a legal infraction, who is damaged by this act? As such who has any right to claim against the alleged 'offender'?

Example two: thought crimes: if one were to publish a racist pamphlet, who is tangibly injured? No one is forced to read it and further, no one is forced to agree with it. If someone were to act against another based on racist ideas garnered from said pamphlet the fault for the crime still lies with the offender, not the writer, as the offender was not forced or coerced to conform to the ideas of another. Still, we have hilarious yet savagely hypocritical 'hate speech' provisions in "law".

In the excellent albeit very long documentary film 'Evidence of Revision', J. Edgar Hoover lays it out very simply. When asked about justice, he sidesteps the question and explains that "law and order" were his primary concerns as director of the FBI. Justice and law are two uniquely different concepts, one is the aspiration of a free and responsible people and the other is the mandate of tyranny.

Why is this not patently obvious to all? Because: reptiles, barking reptiles.

It's for your own good Johnny.

Perhaps the primary cause for punishment being so socially counterproductive is denial. When a psychological stressor is placed upon someone, say an abusive superior at work, humans generally respond with a denial mechanism to deal with the stressor. Denial works in one of two ways: the subject identifies with the stressor and accepts it as logical (wrongly) and thus posing no threat to personal integrity, or the subject rejects the stressor as being inherently flawed and completely dismisses the validity of the stressor; in essence completely denying it. In abusive human relationships these behaviours show up in such classic cliches as the beaten wife explaining to herself that "he does it because he loves me" which is her trying to identify with the abuser, or the cliche of the rebellious teenager who thinks "don't trust anyone over thirty" and rejects the veiws of his abuser (parent, teachers, etc.) out of hand.

Denial is so very prevalent today that apparently even the 'intellectuals' of our world are not only vulnerable, but downright happy to engage in these ridiculous mind games. The worst part is that because they are credentialed, other people believe their game is valid and abdicate their free will to another who is apparently acting out a delusion.  The upside is that now you know what it is you may have some chance at making better, more informed decisions in your life. Or perhaps you'll engage in a denial pattern to avoid the stressor of having to admit your huge perceptual weaknesses.

So what happens when we allow the 'the state' to punish 'offenders'? We encourage denial patterns on both sides of the law enforcement fence, leading to what is ultimately a more psychologically sick collective.

Despite all of the incredible psychological weaknesses humans suffer from, we do still have the ability to reason and make sound decisions if we apply ourselves. Further all of the people who have propagated these thought viruses are dying off and being replaced with new people, we are them, let's not make the same mistakes.